i scrubbed my chest too hard

now i feel a burn

 made a top..

whenever i remember him, it breaks my heart. all the nice times with him i had are now just bitter memories. i don't know which parts were real and which  parts were lies. the shock of being betrayed by someone you love cant be erased that easily. i really adored you 

i can feel my brain just deteriorating. it's so hard to do regular things. i get so exhausted, nothing tastes good anymore. i've lost so much weight. my body is a lot thinner than i think in my head; i had a moment of awareness and realized im much skinnier than i thought. good and bad days i suppose. 

 ............<_<..............ate but still hungry

it was my aunt's first birthday without my uncle. it's crushing when i think about how she feels- continuing life without someone who was so engrained in her life. to celebrate a year of life but to also think about the death of a husband, friend, soulmate. my mom said we're all connected and that when something happens to one of us, it affects the other so deeply. she said if anything happened to any one of us, she wouldn't be able to live. that made me feel so guilty. 

feels depressing knowing that someone who hurt you hates you too

 if i read something on letterboxd being called "city pop inspired" or "vaporwave vibes" again ill really end it